How strong is your faith? And do you believe there is an actual God? I will share my thoughts, my experiences, why my faith was shaken, and how my faith was restored. Note: Everything that you read here are my thoughts, opinions, and how I see the world of religion. I mean no disrespect to anyone. (All my experiences in this post are true, and nothing is made up.)
Everyone has experiences that tell you yes there is a God, but then you have those days that you ask yourself, is God listening? I have had experiences in both situations.
I was 15 years old living in Puerto Rico and woke up on a Saturday morning like normal with plans of going to the river. My brother and I along with a friend had made the plans the night before. I started the morning with breakfast and turned on the television like I normally do every Saturday morning. Flipping through channels, I found nothing interesting, other than a telethon for disabled children. As I watched the program and ate my breakfast, I found myself making fun of these children. The more I watched the funnier it became.
My brother finally woke up and made himself something to eat as well, and I told him “You need to come watch this, this is funny as all hell. My brother came over looked at the program for a minute and said “Why are you watching this? I told him there was nothing else on, and I was getting a kick from watching them walk around. He just looked at me and shook his head as to say you’re just dumb. Somewhere around 8 am our friend showed up outside the house and said, “Let’s go, it’s already hot out here,” so my brother and I gathered our things, and out the door we went. I didn’t give the telethon another thought. We made it to the river and had a fun-filled day doing all the silly things kids do while swimming. If I remember correctly, we arrived at the river around quarter to 9 am and it was around 3 pm when we decided to leave. As we came down the hill towards the main highway, we were hungry as to be expected and my brother looked up and said, “The first one to get the mango gets to eat.” Our friend and I looked up to see what he was talking about and saw the mango, so we ran for the tree line.
Being hungry and not thinking properly we rushed the tree line and jumped on the barbwire that creates the fence, the barbwire is only stapled to the tree line, so not much support there. But we didn’t think it through as our stomachs were thinking. Needless to say, the staples gave out and the barbwire came loose. My brother and friend were able to jump off, but I couldn’t jump due to having a barb penetrating up my shoe and keeping me from jumping. Eventually, I lost my balance and began falling backward, thinking to myself I’m going to hurt my back falling on the rocks under me, so I turned my body to the right and tucked my arm under me to help with the impact (Hurting my arm is one thing, hurting my spine is another.) Just as I completed the turn all I saw was chrome and felt a slight bump to my face.
As I came to, I looked around and noticed two sets of legs dangling out of either side of a car’s windows, not being all that coherent I tried getting up but fell back down as I tried putting pressure on my right leg. I looked down and noticed there was a tire mark on my leg covering from my ankle to just above the knee. Trying to make sense of all that is happening, I realized I just got hit by a car! And the legs dangling out of the car windows belong to my brother and friend. They must’ve jumped in the windows to stop the driver from trying to flee.
Once the driver complied, all three of them came to help me. They didn’t even realize my leg was run over, I told them to help me because I think my leg is broken. They helped me up and took me to the car, the gentleman driving the vehicle was hesitant about putting me in the car at first but had no choice. I remember the driver having two female passengers in the vehicle and a bunch of outdoor stuff in the back seat, meaning that my brother and friend would have to stay behind since there was no room for them in the car.
Driving to the town clinic I heard the driver talking to his female passengers, but I couldn’t make out half the words due to the echoing in my ears. When we did make it to the clinic, the nurses came out to help get me on the gurney, they got me inside and at this point, I must’ve passed out. I woke up not realizing how I got in, the last thing I remembered was being put on the gurney. The nurse noticed that I was awake and began asking me questions, I was happy to be able to hear her and not have that echoing going on in my ears. I tried answering her questions as best I could when I noticed she was tossing out gauze after gauze full of blood, but I couldn’t see what she was doing because of a separator they had up. I was pretty coherent at this point and curious as to what the nurse was doing, so I got nosy and sat up a bit to look over the separator. I wish I hadn’t. What I saw will be etched in my brain forever, I saw the nurse inserting her finger in and out of my ankle like there was nothing there. Seeing that got the best of me, and I ended up passing out again. (The nurse was cleaning out rocks embedded in my ankle)
When I woke up again, they were just putting me in the ambulance to transport me to the hospital, and my mom came to the door of the ambulance and just started bawling her eyes out. I asked her what was wrong, and she replied, “My baby, look at your face.” I was like Mom I can’t, what’s wrong with my face? Once we made it to the hospital we passed by a mirror-like plate along the wall, and I looked over because of what my mom said and noticed that half my face was swollen and did not match the other half. It must have been numb from the hit because I felt nothing.
Getting to the hospital it seemed surprisingly busy, and I lay there for what seemed like hours. As I lay there, I started seriously thinking to myself “This is what I get for making fun of disabled people. After I went through surgery to reconstruct my leg, I spent 4 months in a leg cast, and the Doctor told my mom and me, that I would never walk on that leg again. Once again, I thought to myself “Serves me right,” but I did prove them wrong, and I am walking fine on the leg.
Now I ask you, reading my story how would you see that situation? Would this be considered a “Miracle,” or a “Coincidence.” Everyone was telling me I was lucky and or God was looking out for me, and I take it the reason they said all this is because, if you calculate the distance from the front bumper of a 1976 Grand Prix, down to its front tires, and then calculate my weight at the time of 192 lbs. Honestly, My head should have been underneath the passenger front tire.
I consider it as being watched over, and also a punishment. (Karma) I grew up pretty fast mentally after that experience, To this day I never make fun of anyone that is disabled or has any condition for that matter. My mom was even mad at me when I told her what I did before the accident. See she was a deeply religious person, we never missed going to church on weekdays, Saturdays, and twice on Sundays. The first thing she said was, “I did not raise you that way.” This is true but being 15 years old a person starts growing into their own, and I was pretty much there. I sat down one day with my mom and had a pretty in-depth discussion about religion, and she told me, “Don’t be afraid to express what you think and remember everyone will have their own opinion of things. So, before you judge people or criticize their beliefs listen to them and learn a little from their experiences.”
You as the reader might have an opinion on this post, and that’s ok. It’s not like you’re going to go out and bad-mouth my post or tell people not to come read it. For all we know the next reader might find it informative and exciting. And that’s what makes us all unique, we were given the power of choice, and we have opinions about whatever we want. Do I use that little bit of power to go out and force people to believe in my beliefs, absolutely not. But you do have those that think they are let’s just say, “The chosen one.” This is the type of person that goes out and tries to force God on everyone, and on every situation. They go as far as saying things to make you feel bad, and that’s just not right.
I mean honestly, the saying “You need to go to church and find Jesus.” Do I need to go to church, is Jesus actually going to be there? I’m sure he won’t be. I understand the need for a congregation and wanting a decent size following, but why try to force people to join? A lot of religions go with the fear factor “God doesn’t help you unless you come to church and praise him,” I’m sorry but praising the lord can be done from anywhere, and there is no need to go to any church to praise God. Then you have other religions that go door to door asking for donations, Am I to support and give money to fund a church I’ll never even see, that is not happening.
As a member of a congregation no matter the religion, you're always told to read the bible for answers, but you're never told which version to read, there are so many variations of the bible you might ask yourself which one gives the right answer. It’s obvious if you grow up in a certain religion, you’re going to follow what you are taught, but what happens when you are introduced to a different version of the Bible? Is it going to be questioned, will it be followed, or will it become a debate between religious members? I believe you can read any of the bible versions out there, but what you read and how you understand it will determine how you live your life. I’ll go out on a limb here and say if you take 10 people and have them all read the same 2 pages of any bible, I bet it is safe to say that 8 out of 10 will have different opinions on what they just read.
Does anyone think this is what God intended for us? To have different versions of bibles which are supposed to preach his word and give us an understanding or at least guides us to try and have a good, honest life. I don’t want to start a religious war, but I feel that Bibles have been changed and manipulated to the favor of certain religions. I can understand changing the language of the bible, but to confuse us even more by having books that are supposed to be our life handbook and have them, 1. Read like trivia, and 2. All have different answers for the same question. Life is confusing as it is, we don’t need to complicate it even further by literature.
I looked up what the seven powers of the Holy Spirit are. And I found 2 different lists of gifts to post. But, looking further into it, I realized there are several lists, and these gifts were meant for us.
(7 Gifts Found in the Book of Isaiah)
· Wisdom.
· Understanding.
· Counsel.
· Fortitude.
· Knowledge.
· Piety.
· And fear of the Lord.
(7 Gifts found in Roman 12)
· Perceiving.
· Serving.
· Teaching.
· Encouraging.
· Giving.
· Ruling.
· Mercy.
That last one from the book of Isaiah gets me. Are we supposed to fear the Lord? I feel we shouldn’t have to, why would we fear a God that is referred to in the bible as “God is Spirit, Love, and Truth.” Plus, that last phrase is what I mean by manipulation, is that being said so we follow the path of the Lord? Everyone, and anyone who has goodness and love in their heart is already walking the correct path. Also referred to as the “Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit.” How are we in any form supposed to be afraid of him? If you’re a “Sinner” I can see maybe being afraid of the consequences, “Don’t do bad things,” and you won’t have to worry about it.
Bad stuff happens in life, we all know this. I have blamed God for a lot of bad and unfortunate things in my life but as I got older, I realized I have created my downfalls. I wasted money on things I didn’t need, and I made myself unavailable for work, of course causing me to have less money. Then the company I worked for at the time closed down, and I found myself in one hell of a debt situation. I blamed God for not having money, not having a job, and putting me in the financial debt I was in. And not to mention he was no help at all because he didn’t help me when I needed it. After that, I struggled with faith and the belief that there is a God. (In my mind I was forsaken by God) It wasn’t until my girlfriend Cathie found out that her little girl Melissa had cancer and had nowhere to go because Cathie’s mom refused to have the kids live with them, so I had her move in with me and helped with the children Melissa and Andrew. Treatment was started and she battled with the cancer and the treatment like a champion. The day that changed my life was 3 days before Melissa passed.
We were in the hospital room trying to comfort Melissa because the cancer became more aggressive and there was nothing else the Doctors were able to do for her. We were fighting back tears because we knew the end was near and there was nothing, we could do about it. We were trying to be strong for her and trying to get her mind to focus on other things. As Cathie held Melissa’s hand trying to comfort her, Melissa asked Cathie, “Hey mom, do you know what God looks like?” Cathie tried describing what God looks like to the best of her knowledge. Melissa staring straight ahead with a tear streaming down her cheek said, “No Mommy he doesn’t look like that at all.” We all froze as Cathie asked her, “What do you mean baby?”
“He's right in front of us Mommy can’t you see him,” He said he was waiting for me, Mommy.” As the tears rolled down all our faces, that strong little girl said to all of us, “Don’t worry nothing can hurt me now.” “Mommy you can let go now; we’ll see each other again.” From the moment Melissa finished her sentence, all I felt was a stronger presence of happiness, calmness, and love. At that same moment, it felt like the whole room was cleansed, I felt nothing but peacefulness. Almost like an invisible blanket over all of us comforting us and removing all the worries, all the anxiety, the fears, all gone. From that day forward I have never lost my faith again, even when I lost my wife to cancer years later, I looked at it as God needed another angel. Honestly living my life under his grace has changed my life for the better.
I share my family story with you, so you my readers can understand why I chose to continue my faith without question and to believe in God’s grace again. Do I still question the different religious beliefs? yes, I most certainly do.
I just can’t fathom the donations being asked for, but never seeing results or the changes made to the establishment. That is what the donations are for, correct? Or am I wrong? If I am wrong let me know, but as far as I understood it, it was collected for modifications in the church. This is kind of funny considering that Jesus was always outside with his disciples, even when he preached it was always outside. So now that we are in modern times, why do we need to go to a church? Can’t we just put up a party tent and have services outside? Unless you live in Cold states, I don’t blame you for wanting to be inside. No joke intended with what I’m saying I don’t understand the thought process behind it all.
If we were given the freedom of choice, why would the different religions try to change that? If the different religions follow their gospel, I’m sure somewhere in there you’ll find where it says, “Do unto others, as you would have done unto you.” Which to me means, stop trying to force people into a religion they don’t want to be in. Let people make their own decisions and praise whichever God they see fit. Whether God exists or not, we have learned just from stories, and the verses within the Bible that God is a beacon of hope, love, inspiration, and peace. And like I said before, as long as you have love in your heart, and you help your fellow man. You too can be that beacon. (Remember he did make us in his image)
Note for the readers:
In this day and age, people get offended by the smallest things, and honestly, I feel it’s just done for attention. If we can take that same energy, and put it forth to spread Love, Inspiration, and Hope. This world would be a much, much better place.
Thank you, friends,
Daniel Marrero.
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